MOVIE TRAILERS: THE PROPOSAL

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PAIR THE WITTY, CHARMING, HILARIOUS RYAN REYNOLDS WITH THE QUIRKY, SHARP, EQUALLY WITTY, LARGER THAN LIFE BEAUTY SANDRA BULLOCK? WELL I GUESS YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO BUY A TICKET & MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE CINEPLEX ON FRIDAY TO FIND OUT. I’VE SEEN THE TRAILER & IT ACTUALLY, TO MY SURPRISE, LOOKS FUNNY. I WILL ADMIT THAT I WAS SKEPTICAL AT FIRST, BUT AFTER FINDING OUT THAT MY GERIATRIC LOVER BETTY WHITE WAS GOING TO BE IT, AS WELL AS MY ACE MR. NUEZ, OF “OFFICE” FAME, THEN I WAS SOLD. I’LL ABSOLUTELY BE IN THE BACK ROW, RECLINED & READY TO LAUGH. CHEERS AND ENJOY

TV PREVIEW: SHARK TANK

REALITY TV VISIONARY MARK BURNETT IS AT IT AGAIN. THIS GO ROUND HE’S BRINGING A NEW SHOW TO ABC, ENTITLED SHARK TANK. YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED READ BELOW. CHEERS, STAY TUNED, AND ENJOY.

Shark Tank Premieres Sunday August 9th

ABC is set to premier Mark Burnett’s Shark Tank August 9th at 9pm, following the return of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. (Coincidence I think not!) Episodes will continue on Sundays at 9 through August 23, after which it will shift to its regular time period of Tuesdays at 8 starting August 25.

Shark Tank is a new reality show where entrepreneurs must try to convince five multi-millionaire business tycoons to part with their own hard-earned cash and give them the funding they need to jumpstart their business’s. Each week, ambitious entrepreneurs from across the country will present their breakthrough business concepts, products, properties and services to the panel of ruthless investors. Their goal is to convince these merciless moguls to invest their own dollars in the concept. Convincing real-life millionaires to part with their own money is no easy task, because when the idea is poor, the Sharks will tear into the ill-prepared presenters and pass on the idea with a simple, “I’m out!,” sending them running for the exit. Entrepreneurs will be asked to give up a percentage of their companies’ equity to the Sharks in order to get the investment they need.

Casting is still ongoing, so if you think you have what it takes to swim with the sharks then email SharkTankCasting@yahoo.com with your name, age, contact info, a recent photo, and a brief, NON-CONFIDENTIAL description of your idea. Tell them In The Shark Tank sent you.

Just one last note, be on the look out for scammers who may be taking advantage of would-be contestants during this casting process. You can never be too careful.

FASHION PROFILE: SURFACE TO AIR WEBSITE LAUNCH

ALL FASHIONISTAS, AND FASHION HOPEFULS, LISTEN UP. THERE IS A NEW WEBSITE THAT OFFERS ACCESSORIES FOR SALE ONLINE. CHEERS AND ENJOY

Surface to Air Accessory Website Launches

The new Surface to Air Accessory Website recently launched, and with it, a plethora of amazing necklaces, bracelets and rings are available for all viewing pleasures. Inspired by safety and danger, the S2A accessories collection, consisting of jewelry and other objects, can now be purchased online. In addition to online shopping, visitors can also check out the S2A global stock-lists. The site is relatively basic, but the amazing accessories make up for the lack of digital pizazz.

SOURCE: FASHION INDIE

CELEBRITY INTERVIEW: ANIKA NONI ROSE

CHECK OUT THIS INTERVIEW WITH ANIKA ROSE, OF STAGE AND DREAMGIRLS FAME. SHE’S ALSO STARRING IN THE JILL SCOTT HBO DRAMA, THE NO.1 LADIE’S DETECTIVE AGENCY. SHE’S DEFINITELY SEIZING THE MOMENT & TAKING ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY. CHEERS TO HER. ENJOY

Disney Princess Talks Emmys and Jennifer Hudson

Marc Malkin

Los Angeles (E! Online) – Anika Noni Rose must have wished upon a star, because her dream really came true. Ms. Rose is the starring voice in Disney's upcoming animated flick The Princess and the Frog.

"It's the most thrilling thing," says Rose, the Tony Award winner who you're likely to remember from her work as Lorrell opposite Jennifer Hudson and Beyoncé in Dreamgirls. "It's been a dream of mine since I was a little itty-bitty person to be a Disney voice."

It's also a history-making flick, with Disney's first African-American princess…

It must be a pretty intense feeling knowing you're the first African-American princess.

It's pretty amazing. For me, it means even so much more, because I have a nephew who is only 3 years old, and I will be the first princess he sees.

Are you hoping for a White House screening of the movie?

I'm ready! I mean, you look at those two little girls and they are the most beautiful creatures. You want to run up and hug them.

Let's talk about The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. Did you read the books before getting the part of Grace Makutsi?

I had! I had read about three of the books, just randomly someone gave them to me and was like, "I think you'll like these."

What was it like filming in Botswana?

It was fantastic. [Director Anthony Minghella] had us there a lot longer than we needed to be. I was there for two months, but I only shot for 12 days. I was living in a hotel that used to be someone's house. The fact that he allowed me to be there for that amount of time really allowed me to take in what was around me.

You've won a Tony, were part of the Oscar-winning Dreamgirls and now there's Emmy buzz for No. 1 Ladies'. Are you like a good luck charm or something?

I do have to say that I'm very honored that HBO has decided to push it forward for this, because it's such a labor of love. It's nice to have someone standing behind you saying, "Look at this, pay attention to this, we love what they did."

Do you know yet if there's going to be a second season?

We don't know. I've gotten to the point where it doesn't worry me. About four or five years ago, I would have been like, "Ahh," but now I really feel like things don't always work out the way you plan, but they always work out.

Your No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency costar Jill Scott just had a baby, and your Dreamgirls costar Jennifer Hudson is pregnant. Have you offered to babysit for them already?

What is that? [Laughs] Everybody is popping out little ones. I'm just ready to bite a foot and a thigh. I love a baby thigh and foot in front of me so much.

How do you think they'll be as moms?

For a baby to come into a home where they are wanted, and they are wanted before they got there, that's a wonderful thing.

I've been a Jennifer Hudson fan since before Dreamgirls.

It's been a hell of a year for her. I'm happy for her and that her life is moving forward.

SOURCE: CLUTCH MAGAZINE

POP CULTURE: PARAMEDIC ASSAULTED BY STATE TROOPERS

IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT THE IGNORANT, RAGE-LADEN ATTACK ON A BLACK PARAMEDIC BY A COUPLE OF WHITE STATE TROOPERS A COUPLE DAYS AGO, CHECK OUT THE DETAILS BELOW. THERE IS ALSO VIDEO OF THE INCIDENT ON INSIDE EDITION’S WEBSITE. CHECK IT OUT WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE. CHEERS.

INSIDE EDITION VIDEO LINK: http://insideedition.com/news.aspx?storyId=3054

It was an extraordinary confrontation as a highway patrolman struggled violently with a paramedic while a patient inside the ambulance screams. The incident was caught-on-tape.

It all started when an Oklahoma highway patrol car, sirens blaring, passed the ambulance on the local interstate.

The officers felt the driver should have pulled over to let them pass and believed they saw the driver make an obscene gesture.

The incident was captured on the officers' dash cam.

Officer: I'm going to give you a ticket for failure to yield, and when I go by you and say, 'What's going on?' You don't need to give me no hand gestures now. I won't put up with that [expletive]. You understand me?

Paramedic: And I won't put up with you talking to my driver like that.

Officer: I ain't listening to you, buddy. You get your [expletive] back in that ambulance or I'll take you in. I'm talking to the driver.

Paramedic: Take me in if you would. We've got a patient in this unit right now.

Suddenly the confrontation turned physical.

Paramedic: I've got a patient in this...

Officer: Get your [expletive] around! Turn around! Turn around!

Officer: Hey! Hey! You better turn around now!

Inside the ambulance a woman was suffering from chest pains. Her relatives, in a car that was following the ambulance, joined in the argument. One started recording the drama with a cell phone.

Officer: You're going to jail, you understand me? You're under arrest.

Paramedic: Okay.

Officer: You are under arrest.

Paramedic: And I'm going to press charges for assaulting.

One patrolman put the paramedic in a choke hold.

Finally the police officers let the ambulance continue and did not arrest anyone. The patient recovered.

The drama fast became one of the most viewed videos on YouTube since the incident happened in May.

Patrolman Daniel Martin denies any wrong doing but has been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation.

ACTOR SPOTLIGHT: ROBERT PATTINSON

Robert Pattinson stars as Edward Cullen in Summit Entertainment's "Twilight" and its upcoming sequel, "The Twilight Saga: New Moon."

Robert Pattinson gained industry notice at 19 years of age when he joined the Harry Potter franchise in Mike Newell's "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," playing Cedric Diggory, Hogwarts' official representative in the Triwizard Tournament. Robert Pattinson went on to appear in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," reprising his role in a flashback.

Robert Pattinson began his professional career with a role in Uli Edel's "Sword of Xanten," opposite Sam West and Benno Furmann. Robert Pattinson also appeared in director Oliver Irving's "How to Be," winner of the Slamdance Film Festival's Special Honorable Mention for Narrative Feature. Robert Pattinson played the lead role of Salvador Dali in "Little Ashes," directed by Paul Morrison. Robert Pattinson's television credits include "The Haunted Airman" for the BBC.

As a member of the Barnes Theatre Group, Robert Pattinson played the lead role in Thornton Wilder's "Our Town." Other stage credits for Robert Pattinson include Cole Porter's "Anything Goes," "Tess of the D'Urbevilles" and "Macbeth" at the OSO Arts Centre.

TV REVIEW: UNITED STATES OF TARA

CHECK OUT THIS PROFILE OF SHOWTIME’S HIT COMEDY, UNITED STATES OF TARA. I’M A FAN OF THE STAR, TONI COLLETTE, AS WELL AS THE WRITER/CREATOR DIABLO CODY, OF JUNO FAME. I THINK THEY’RE BOTH EXTRAORDINARILY TALENTED, AND THUSLY THE SERIES IS A MUST WATCH. CHEERS & ENJOY

Network: Showtime

Genre: Comedy

Runtime: 30 mins.

Premiere Date: January 18, 2009

Showtime's comedy, "United States of Tara," executive produced by Steven Spielberg, created by Diablo Cody and starring Academy Award-nominated actress Toni Collette, focuses on a wife and mother struggling with dissociative identity disorder and the effect it has on her family. "United States of Tara," a co-production of Showtime Networks and Dreamworks Television, also stars John Corbett and Rosemarie DeWitt.

On "United States of Tara," suburban wife and mother Tara Gregson (Toni Collette), juggles her family and career while suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's never a dull moment in the Gregson household as the various identities may appear on any given day and range in age, temperament and even gender...from "T," a flirtatious and spunky teenager to "Buck," a gun-loving male alter…all while her supportive husband Max (John Corbett) and their two teenaged children, Kate (Brie Larson) and Marshall (Keir Gilchrist), try to lead as much of a "normal" life as possible on "United States of Tara."

SOURCE: POP TOWER

POP CULTURE: DONALD TRUMP BUYS WWE

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT HE MAY BE TAKING A BREAK FROM THE SPOTLIGHT, THE “TRUMPSTER” SMACKS YOU ACROSS THE GRILL, LIKE RICK JAMES TO CHARLIE MURPHY. YES THAT WAS A DAVE CHAPELLE REFERENCE. I HAVE A WHOLE GANG OF EM. STAY TUNED. LOL. THAT’S RIGHT, DONALD TRUMP, THE MAN WITH THE OUTER GALAXY SIZED EGO, AND APPARENTLY, ACCORDING TO SOME, THE MIDAS TOUCH, HAS JUST PURCHSED THE WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT JUGGERNAUT, WWE. YES, THAT WAS A REFERENCE TO THE GREEK GOD OF GOLD, MIDAS. I HAVE ALL KINDS OF REFERENCES. BUT BACK TO THE WWE SALE & PURCHASE. I GREW UP ON WRESTLING, AND HAVE BEEN A FAN, FOR THE MOST PART, EVER SINCE. THIS WILL NO DOUBT BE AN INTERESTING LOOK FOR THE COMPANY. IT’LL BE INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT CHANGES HE MAKES, IMMEDIATE & OTHERWISE. IN THE INTERIM CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE. CHEERS & ENJOY.

Trump Buys WWE RAW

Commenting on the deal, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon stated "This was an offer I couldn't refuse."

STAMFORD, CT—World Wrestling Entertainment announced the sale of its ratings juggernaut, "Monday Night RAW," on USA Network to Donald Trump. The terms of the deal were not disclosed.

Commenting on the deal WWE Chairman Vince McMahon stated, "This was an offer I couldn't refuse."

"The 'Monday Night RAW' franchise has been one of the top cable franchises since its launch 17 years ago," said Donald Trump. "I'm going to do things on the show that have never been done or seen before. As my first act as owner, I am doing something unprecedented. I am giving back to the people who have been loyal all these years. For the first time in more than 838 episodes of "RAW," next week's show will be live and commercial free."

Mr. Trump will be making his first live appearance as the new owner of the "RAW" franchise this Monday. The episode will run commercial-free on USA Network at 9:00 PM ET/8:00 PM CT on Monday, June 22nd.

"Donald Trump is one of the most entertaining personalities with one of the sharpest business minds of our time. He's always had the Midas touch, which will only add to the level of excitement for the loyal fans of "WWE Monday Night Raw,"" said Chris McCumber EVP Marketing, Digital and Brand Strategy for USA Network.

POP CULTURE: VIBE ELITE EIGHT GREATEST RAPPER EVER LIST

Vibe has put on a dope contest, highlighting the best rappers ever to bless a mic, and begging the question of who the greatest mc actually is. They started this contest a while ago, and they’re recognizing 60 rappers in 60 days. Right now they’re at the elite eight. Shout out the NCAA. Haha. They even have the March Madness brackets and everything. Here’ s the link to the article. Cheers & enjoy


http://www.vibe.com/news/online_exclusives/2009/06/the_best_rapper_ever_the_elite_eight/

FASHION: HEELS 2009 EDITION: TAPERED HEELS

I love em. There’s few things that are sexier on a woman than a fly, classy, sexy pair of heels, or other form-complementing shoes. I have the exclusive insider info on the latest trends in all things fashion. We’ll start with these sexy shoes, & keep it moving with everything from gladiator heels, to fringed dress & shoes, to Sheer, & much more. Enjoy. I know I will. I love it

When writing about the latest fashion trends we're constantly looking at the clothing, hair trends and make-up trends, but sometimes it's easy to forget about a girl's most important accessory: her shoes. So here it is, your shoe guide to Autumn (Fall)/Winter 2008/2009 in the form of our 2008/2009 shoe trends bible!

Square toes, crocodile skin, triple-buckles, and bohemian fringing are just some of the things you might not have been expecting to come back into fashion so soon, and yet here IS A SAMPLE OF THE SEXINESS TO COME.

Tapered heels

What: Heels that start thick at the top and taper down, often with a curve, into a stiletto-esque point at the bottom.

Seen on: the likes of Burberry Prorsum, 3.1 Phillip Lim, and Zac Posen.

Verdict: They're a sexy, interesting and modern style which can really spice up an outfit. Not as much a classic shape, so buy them if you intend to get a lot of wear out of them over the next few seasons.

MOVIE TRAILERS: HANGOVER

HOT OFF OF TWO WEEKS OF UBER SUCCES, COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, THE BRADLEY COOPER COMEDY ROMP HAS MADE A LOT OF MONEY (REFERENCE MY HOLLYWOOD REPORTER WIDGET FOR EXACT FIGURES), SHINED THE SPOTLIGHT BACK ONTO MR. COOPER IN THE PROCESS, & BECAME THE 1^ST OFFICIAL BIG HIT OF THE SUMMER. IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET, DO SO, AND TELL ME HOW JUVENILEY FUNNY IT WAS AFTERWARDS. CHEERS, & ENJOY THIS TRAILER.

BOOK REVIEW: A PRAIRIE TALE, MELISSA GILBERT

HERE’S ANOTHER JUICY BOOK FROM MY CELEBRITY SERIES, AND IT’S FROM ACTRESS MELISSA GILBERT, OF LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE & GILMORE GIRLS FAME. I’VE READ SOME EXCERPTS & IT APPEARS TO BE QUITE REVEALING & CANDID, WHICH ARE TWO WORDS THAT PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEE A JUICY TELL ALL. CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE, THEN CHECK OUT THE BOOK. CHEERS & ENJOY

Melissa Gilbert’s complicated ‘Prairie’ life

The actress opens about her difficult childhood, addictions and more

TODAY books

updated 10:48 a.m. ET, Tues., June 9, 2009

Actress Melissa Gilbert of “Little House on the Prairie” was America’s sweetheart and many presumed she enjoyed a blessed childhood. But in reality, the talented star’s home life was a far cry from the idyllic life she portrayed in the popular TV show. In her new memoir, “Prairie Tale,” Melissa Gilbert shares her story of growing up in front of the cameras, dealing with a complicated family, overcoming addictions, and how she finally learned to move on. An excerpt:

Fairy Dust

My mother was nearly a month past her husband’s funeral when she turned her attention back to my desire to write a memoir. It wasn’t just a desire; there was an actual book deal, and she was against it. If the book were on any topic other than myself, she would’ve already been circulating word that “Melissa is writing the best book ever.” But this was different. It was about me. Which meant it was also about her. And she was against telling that story if she wasn’t the one doing the telling.

She had tried numerous times to talk me out of it, but her efforts were interrupted by the death of my stepfather, Hollywood publicist Warren Cowan. Now she was back on point.

She showed up at my house one afternoon carrying a large box packed with news clippings, ads, letters, and diaries of mine. She set it down on the kitchen table with a thud and announced with a smile as deadly as a pearl-handled Derringer that the contents would be helpful.

“For your book,” she said, pronouncing the word ‘book’ as if were a Petrie dish containing the Ebola virus that I was going to let out in the world.

I marveled at her gamesmanship — and at her. She looked a decade younger than her age, which, if revealed, would be taken as a bigger crime than revealing Valerie Plame was a CIA agent. Her hair was blonde and coiffed. It’s sufficient and necessary to say she was strikingly attractive. She looked great whether going to her weekly appointment at the hair salon or movie night at the Playboy mansion, which she and my step-father had attended for years.

I also cringed at the layers at play here in my kitchen. I thought, thank goodness I have four sons. The mother-daughter relationship is one of mankind’s great mysteries, and for womankind it can be hellaciously complicated. My mother and I are quintessential examples of the rewards and frustrations and the joys and infuriations it can yield. By and large, we are close. At times, though, she had rendered me speechless with her craftiness. Now was one of those times.

While I sifted through the box packed with sacred bits from my life, my mother offered sly commentary and full-on reinterpretations of the contents. Ah, the contempt and fear and anger she hid behind her helpful smile.

To me, at forty-four years old, my book was a search for truth and identity. To her, it was — if only you could have seen the look on her face, you’d fully understand — the ultimate betrayal.

I moved on. I made tea. We talked about some of the condolences about Warren that continued to stream in. We mentioned which friends checked on her, the dinner invitations that kept her busy as ever, and of course the latest comings and goings about my husband, Bruce, and my sons. Finally, after we had caught each other up on everything, she returned to the book.

“You can write the book if you want,” she said with a nonchalant shrug.

“Thank you,” I replied. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“I can understand why you want to write it,” my mother said. “You write it and get it all out of you.”

“Thank you.”

“You have my blessing.”

“Thank you again.”

“But,” she said, “the classy thing would be to burn it after you’re finished.”

* * *

My life was a mystery even as I lived it.

Several months earlier, I had called my mother and asked if I’d ever had a conversion ceremony to make me officially Jewish. Although I was raised Jewish, my upbringing didn’t include any formal religious education or training. We celebrated Passover, and other major Jewish holidays. But we also celebrated Christmas and Easter. It’s why I always emphasized the “ish” in “Jewish.”

As I got older, though, I grew more observant and intrigued by a more personal relationship with God. One day as I discussed this with a friend who had converted to Judaism as an adult, she asked if I recalled my conversion ceremony.

“Huh?” I said.

My friend explained that adults wanting to switch to Judaism from another religion had to go through a conversion process. It included reading and discussion among friends; a deeper course of investigation with a rabbi; then study, immersion, and approval by a board, culminating with a public ceremony and celebration.

Even though I was just a day-old when my parents adopted me, my friend explained my parents would still have needed a rabbi to perform a ceremony and a blessing to make me officially Jewish. That’s when I asked my mother if she recalled doing the ceremony.

“Why do you need to know now?” she asked.

“Because if I never had a conversion ceremony, then I’m not really Jewish,” I replied. “And if I’m not Jewish —”

“But you’re Jewish,” she interrupted.

“Who says?” I asked.

“I do.”

“Mom, believe it or not, you are not the final authority on this issue.”

“I’m your mother,” she said. “And I’m Jewish.”

“But my birth parents” —

“We adopted you at birth.”

“Was there a conversion ceremony?” I asked.

“I don’t remember,” she said.

“You don’t remember?”

“No.”

“No?”

When it came to my childhood, my mother’s memory was more reliable than the Apple-S command on my laptop, so I knew she had the information filed away somewhere. I switched tactics. I asked if she remembered what I did for my second birthday. She did, and described the party she threw me. I then asked if she remembered my first birthday party. She recounted that, too, including the flavor of the cake and the bakery where she bought it.

“Mom,” I said with a dramatic pause worthy of the best courtroom lawyer, “you can remember my first and second birthday parties as if they happened an hour ago. But you can’t remember whether you hired a rabbi and had a conversion ceremony for me. How is that?”

“Melissa!”

“Mom!”

“Maybe I didn’t have one,” she said. “I don’t really know. What’s the big deal?”

“It means I’m not Jewish,” I said. “It means I’m not who I thought I was for all these years. It changes everything.”

* * *

OK, I exaggerated. It wouldn’t change everything. When I hung up the phone, I was still going to be me: dressed in sweats, juggling car-pool duties, going to meetings, planning dinner, trying to wedge more into my day than twenty-four hours permitted. In one sense, my life would be fundamentally unchanged.

However, in another sense, my inner compass had already started to spin wildly out of control. Was there a conversion ceremony? That was a simple question. Was I who I thought I was? Not such a simple question.

Welcome to my not-so-simple life. My mother, whom I love dearly, has continually revised my life story within the context of a complicated family history that includes more than the usual share of divorce, step-children, dysfunction, and obfuscation, and I’ve spent most of my adult life attempting to deconstruct that history and separate fact from fiction, especially as the facts pertain to … me!

For example, my mother was at the helm of everything, including my career, my food intake, and how I dressed — my whole life. I never questioned her or rebelled. Speaking out against the family was the ultimate form of disloyalty, and disloyalty was not tolerated. It was like the mafia. Although I never feared getting whacked, I was always just a little afraid of being sent back to wherever it was I came from.

So an interview back when I was ten years old is likely to have me saying that everything is wonderful, everyone in my life is fantastic, I am happy, and life is perfect. But most of that was untrue. Just as in an interview three months after my mom’s second husband suffered a brain hemorrhage I told a reporter that I had my crying moments, but I was pretty tough about that sort of thing.

The truth is that I never cried over my mom’s second husband. I was never close to him. I never liked him. I didn’t have any relationship with him. I was dragged to the hospital when he was sick to add cachét so the nurses would take better care of him. I know it was difficult for my mother, but I don’t remember being upset about anything at the time.

Could I say that to the press? Absolutely not.

A large part of my life has been an illusion — not an illusion crafted through carefully controlled media, but more like light going through a prism in that there’s one story bent in numerous directions. There’s my mother’s version, there’s the one in the press, there’s the one I lived, and there’s the one I’m still trying to figure out.

However, there are some facts. For instance, I am a twice-married, now-sober former-child actor and mother of four. I acquired all those hyphenates by living the way I wanted to or needed to, hopefully with some grace and dignity. I made my share of mistakes, which I think of as the stones I stepped on to get to where I am today, and through luck, hard work, serious reflection, and a desire to face the truth about myself, I ended up at a place where now I enjoy the peace that comes from allowing myself to not be perfect.

Such was not always the case. My mother, beautiful, delicate, and deluded, saw me as the pillar of perfection — and told me that I was the world’s best actor, the best wife, the best … at everything. I knew I wasn’t, but I lived my life as though I had to be the best lest I disappoint her.

Today, I just want to be my best and I don’t fear disappointing anyone other than myself and my family. I’m in love with a good man, and my children are brave, funny, and compassionate people. I love the lines around my eyes, but I hate the way my cheeks are falling; I’m carrying around an extra ten pounds and enjoying it (most of the time). I suppose I am truly fat and happy.

I play drums, surf and meditate. I’m in a peaceful state of mind most of the time. Though I am lucky enough to earn a living at a job I love, I’m also thinking about going back to school to get my RN or LVN in end-of-life pediatric care. I’m much better going forward than backwards or sideways. I have no real plan, just general dreams.

It wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t always at peace. I wasn’t always content to let life happen.

II.

For my first couple of decades, there was fairy dust sprinkled over everything in my life courtesy of my mother. According to her, and via her, through the press, everything was sparkly, beautiful, and perfect. Everyone was well behaved. We didn’t have any problems. We never had colds.

In reality, things were quite different … and not okay. One of the first times I recall opening my eyes to this was when Rob Lowe and I were planning our wedding. Our plans were becoming ridiculously overblown and we were even talking about renting a sound stage. Oh, then there were the doves. Doves? Oy! It was a whole production.

One day my mother and I were in the car, going to meet the wedding planner and the florist. I was anxious about everything from the wedding details to the commitment I was about to make to Rob. I was a kid living a big life and growing up fast. Those years I spent in the “Brat Pack” (I really hate that stupid name) running with Rob, Emilio, and Tom, that was my equivalent to college. I didn’t have the confidence of a bride-to-be. Nervous and near tears, I was a babbling river of anxiety and fear.

“I’m so scared about this,” I told my mom. “I don’t know, I don’t know. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making a huge mistake? Can this work?”

My mother gave me a look full of calm and wisdom. “Sweetheart, don’t worry,” she said with total sincerity and earnestness. “Rob will make a wonderful first husband.”

I heard that and something inside me clicked. It was my first allergic reaction to my mother’s fairy dust. I thought, That is a really tweaked way of looking at life, and I knew something was not right. And such were our issues, my issues.

***

Like so many women I’ve met, my issues eventually caught up with me. I got to a point in life, somewhere into my second marriage and during my effort to get sober, where reality tapped me on the shoulder, demanding attention, asking questions I’d never stopped to consider: Who are you? How’d you get here? What does it mean to be a wife, a mother, a woman? What will make you happy? What does a peaceful life look like to you?

Sometimes life is like an uninvited houseguest. It shows up and refuses to leave until you deal with it. Call me a late bloomer, but I didn’t feel eighteen until I was in my twenties, and I didn’t start putting my life together until much, much later.

Furthermore, I still get letters from women whose lives were and often still are truly horrible, victims of physical and sexual abuse. These women say the one escape they had growing up was Little House on the Prairie. They wished they had Laura Ingalls Wilder’s life the way I played her. What I don’t ever tell them is that I’m also among those who wish I had Laura’s life the way I played her.

For me, work was a fantasy where I was a happy-go-lucky kid with a larger-than-life surrogate father in Michael Landon. There were people I could talk to and count on, and horses and cows and other animals I could play with in an idyllic outdoor setting. In real life, I struggled with the mythology of my existence — the story of my birth grew from the fairy dust my mother sprinkled on the truth, whatever that was.

I always knew I was adopted. I was told that I was the child of a prima ballerina and a Rhodes Scholar; my mother was a beautiful dancer who wasn’t able to give up her career, not just yet, and my father was in the middle of some project, and though I was the product of a loving relationship between two brilliant individuals, the timing was simply off, so they gave me up for adoption, this wonder-child endowed with the gifts of both Margot Fontaine and Steven Hawking. My mother recognized in me the potential to not just be good but the most exceptional, and, well, that story was perpetuated over the years, told and retold like some sort of fairytale or legend, and so on.

Finally, I reached the age where I was able to fact check the story and found out my mother the dancer was in fact a dancer. What kind of dancer was never clear. She wasn’t a prima ballerina, though. That much I figured out. And my father the Rhodes Scholar was a sign painter and stock car racer. They were both married to other people. They each had three children. They ran off together, got pregnant, moved in together with six children, and decided they couldn’t afford a seventh.

So they gave me up for adoption, a child who would eventually end up wondering who I really am, who I’m related to, if I have a predisposition for high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, any history of cancer or personality issues. f that’s asking too much, I’m willing to settle for finding out who gave me the nose I disposed of at eighteen.

III.

The latest twist in the story of my birth was brought to light a few days after my stepfather died. Close family and friends were at my mother’s, and my godmother, Mitzi, started in about the day my parents picked me up at the hospital. She was hilarious as she described my parents and their first day with a newborn. Out of the blue my mother said, “Well, imagine what a shock it was for me!”

Everyone turned toward my mother, including me. She wasn’t joking. She looked as if she were reliving that shock.

“I mean, we had no plans to adopt a child,” she said.

As I had many times throughout my adult life, I cocked my head and flashed a quizzical look at my mother. What?

“We weren’t even looking,” she continued. “Then I got a phone call that there was a baby available and did I want it?” She turned to me. “I called your dad. He was on the road and he said, ‘Yes, that’s the one. Go get it.’”

“It?” I said. “You keep referring to me as an it.”

“Well, actually, you weren’t even born yet.”

This was news to me. And I would have explored it further except new people arrived at my mother’s and she switched into hostess mode.

A few days later my mother came over to my house and we talked about my step-dad’s death. I walked her through it because she didn’t remember much; by contrast, I remembered everything in detail. I had brought in a superb hospice team and used my training to turn into a patient advocate, which allowed my mother and the love of her life to have a peaceful goodbye.

I told her who had come to visit those final days, and then I described how she had spent Warren’s last day alive laying in bed next to him, sharing her strength and comforting him through his final moments. I told her what I saw as I watched him take his final breaths wrapped in her arms. I thanked her for letting me be a part of something so private, so spiritual, and so profoundly moving.

After a good cry, I reminded her of the story she and Mitzi had started to tell about my arrival in this world. I still wanted clarification. Tired and vulnerable, she opened up and said that she and my father had been trying to have a baby and were actually going through fertility treatments when she got the call. The strange part was, until then, they had not spoken about adoption — or so she said.

A few weeks later I was replaying that conversation and realized something. My father had a daughter from a previous marriage. I’d met her once. And my mother was pregnant twice after me, once with a baby she lost at six months and once with my sister Sara. Both of my parents were fertile. So why couldn’t they — Obviously more was going on than I knew. Once again, the beginning of my life was defined by a question mark.

Excerpted from “Prairie Tale” by Melissa Gilbert. Copyright (c) 2009, reprinted with permission from Simon & Schuster.

© 2009 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/31173128/